A Second Call from the Lord Jesus

Many people between the ages of thirty and sixty - no matter their place in the community and no matter their personal achievements - undergo what can truly be called a second journey.

In his book, The Ragamuffin Gospel, Brennan Manning describes this second journey.

A person gets to this stage in life and looks at all he or she has done and asks, "Is it all worth it?"

A dear friend of ours realized this with a health scare that brought him face to face with the possibility of meeting his Creator sooner rather than later.  It does not have to always be a life threatening event.  It can be good or bad.  A mom turns into Grandma and celebrates this gift. A thirty-five year old teacher gets smashed in a car wreck.  A fifty year old man decides to choose a church position over the offered, coveted CEO position. After retirement, a sixty year old woman finds herself living with a man she loves yet never had to spend this much time with.

Brennan Manning sums this up, "These people are dragged away from chosen and cherished patterns to face strange crises.  This is their second journey."

He goes on to describe the wisdom that comes from a person expereiencning the second journey,
"It is a wisdom that gives some things up, lets some things die, and accepts human limitations."

And for Christians, this journey can often start with a second call from the Lord.  In the examples above, our friend found saving grace in the love of his Savior.  The fifty year old man was my father who gave up that CEO position in order to be the Church Chairman of the Board.  These second calls summoned both of these men to a deeper commitment of faith.  And I love this part of Manning's description:

      "The call asks,

Do you really accept the message that God is head over heels in love with you?"

That is what the second call is asking me now.  DO I really accept that message of love and grace?
Oh, I can say it and even tell people about it, but do I believe it? Do I embrace that love?
The confidence that the same God who raised Jesus can raise me?

Manning says that Faith means you want God and want to want nothing else.

And with a faith like that, every day will be new because God will show me in amazing ways his love for me and I in turn will desire to live out this crazy love for Him in order to bring Him the glory He intends for us to give Him!

I will have more joy filled MOMents as a mom because I will radically love my children.  I will let go of the little things (like the Mickey Mouse Lego set we lost) and focus on the big thing of God.

I will rest in these sweet times when my children are home and trust in the times when they are away from me.  Without fear.  Without despair.

I am starting to hear this call.  Oh, I plead with Him to allow me to hear and follow.  May I feel His love penetrate to every part of my soul so that with every breath, I know that God can scarcely be without me his love is so great!

Are you hearing the second call? 

Uh Oh...Mommy's Losing It... Three Tips to Tame Your Temper

"Now get in your rooms and clean them," I heard myself say in a voice with that high pitched sound that is a cross between not wanting to scream and a sickly, syrupy sweet tone to get my point across:  I won't yell, but my kids always know I am close to losing it...

Please tell me that I am not the only one who feels this.  It creeps on you when you least expect it.  But when it comes, things fly out of your mouth before you realize it and there are hurt feelings.  It could be an offhand remark about not having time for the library even though you promised to go.  It could be angry words to your husband over the unfinished swing set.  It could even be a less than patient response to a complete stranger who disciplines your child for going through the revolving door at Panera more than once even though it was the first time he had ever been in a revolving door and you told him he could go twice! ( Wow, I think I need to let that one go...)

We all experience times when we get frustrated, hurt, and angry.  The actual emotion of anger is not the wrong thing.  

In fact, God knows we will be angry sometimes.  He got angry.  There is a story in the Bible where He got so angry, He messed up the Temple and overturned tables of the money collectors. You can read it by clicking here.

So God knew we would become angry.  "In your anger do not sin." Ephesians 4:26 NIV  

It was not if you get angry, it was when.

So, how can we overcome our anger?

In our house, we use the STOP, DROP, and ROLL.

I know...I am stealing that from every fireman talk you have heard, but it is so easy to remember.  And to put out anger is like putting out a fire that will consume you if you do not get it under control.

Ready to get your anger under control?

Start by considering these simple steps:

STOP and Take a Time Out

Time outs are not just for kids. Counting to 10 isn't just for kids, either. Before reacting to a tense situation, take a few moments to breathe deeply in and out. In through the nose and out through the mouth. Oh wow, I sound like my lamaze instructor. But it works. I still use "cleansing breaths" even though my babies now range from 6 years to 12 years old. Slowing down can help not only bring your temper flare ups down, it brings necessary oxygen to the brain for proper thinking. You can also take a break from the person or situation until your frustration subsides a bit.

DROP to Your Knees and Pray.

You need to think before you speak. In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying anything.  Pray to God to give you patience.  Ask Him to give you clarity of the situation.  He created you and desires to give you power through the Holy Spirit in order to give you words and wisdom.  Call on that power.  The time talking to Him will only bring it into perspective so that you can continue to model calmness instead of angry outbursts to your kids.  

Ask the Lord to give you clarification on whether this is a moment of rebellion or something unique your child struggles with and needs your grace.  In the book Grace Based Parenting, Ted Kimmel describes the ability “to talk about grace, sing about grace, and have our children memorize verses about grace – but not give them specific gifts of grace – is to undermine God’s work of grace in their hearts.  Grace not only means that God loves them even through they are sinners, but that He loves them uniquely and specially.” (p. 141)

ROLL With it by Understanding It

You need to indentfy the reasons why you are getting angry and possible solutions. Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy? Close the door. Does your son refuse to wear a button down shirt for picture day? Get him a nice Polo. Take time to figure out what is really important in the whole realm of life. Is your husband late for dinner? Schedule meals later in the evening. 

Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything, and will only make it worse.

When the temper trials do happen, there are things to do in the situation which will help:

Forgiveness.  Ask the other person to forgive you if you lose your temper.  Forgive the other person for the action that caused you to lose your temper.  Remember that the person is most often not trying to get you mad.  My son is not purposely trying to irritate me by saying his underwear is too tight even though he said the same kind fit yesterday! In fact, I did go apologize to the lady at Panera.  I felt much better.  And after my son went through the door a few more times, I felt even better!

Humor. Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Laugh more and anger will not have a hold on you as much.  But, don't ever laugh at the person to try to help them laugh. And never use use sarcasm. Sarcasm is a thing that becomes a habit and it can hurt feelings and make things worse.



and the greatest of these is...


Love.  Remember to try to treat one another as you would have them treat you.  Behave to your family like you would if company were over.  Deal with situations regarding your children with the same compassion as you would another child.  

And always know that you were created with love by God and He gave you these moments to enjoy.  Anger will happen, but I pray you can step back,

STOP
DROP, and
ROLL

and have many more happy MOMents instead.

Five Friends Everyone Needs

I was talking to a dear friend recently and she said something that I really needed to hear.  She said, "I really like what you write.  You are a good writer."

They were simple words to say.  Said in a quick conversation while she picked up her daughter from my house.  I am sure she has not thought about them since, but hearing those words brightened my outlook in that one moment.

A good writer?  Hmm... Maybe I can finish that proposal tonight.  Maybe I can add a few more chapters on that book.  Maybe I can just jot down in my journal a couple cute things my kids said today.

She is my friend and she was being my friend.

She was being a friend.

A specific type of friend.

For at least in that moment she was being an encourager.

That is one example of the Five Friends that Everyone Needs:

The Encourager

This friend is the one who notices the little things and makes them into special big things.  She is the one that knows your hair is a little lighter and a little shorter.  She is the one who comes to the PTA meeting just because you are speaking about getting new uniforms for gym class.  She is the one who LIKES your Facebook page of your son setting up a tea party for you.  This Friend is the one who helps you get dressed for your first date after your divorce.  The one that puts notes of devotion into your car, your phone, your heart.  She encourages you because she loves you.

The Listener

This friend is the one who you can call at any time of day and night and she will answer.  Even late at night, she sounds as if she has been up just waiting for you to call.  She lets you talk about being up all night worrying about your house addition without mentioning that she actually had the flu all night.  She is the one who not only lets you share all the silly, but extremely important, details of your sixth date, but asks questions about what you wore, what he said, and if the topic of marriage came up.  This Friend sits down when you are together, jumps in your car while waiting to pick up your kids, and walks with you even though she would rather get a Chocolate Frosty.  She listens to you because she loves you.

The Challenger

This friend knows your flaws, your ick, yuck, and muck, and will still ask you to rethink the next step.  This is the one who asks if it good for your family.  If it is good for you.  She questions where you have been.  She checks the garbage can.  This is the friend that will use your words right back at you to make you happier, stronger, and hopefully a little wiser.  This is the one who calls you to get your body out of bed and into the pool so you can be ready for that tri-athalon. She challenges you because she loves you.

The Sister

This friend does not have to be a childhood sister or even one by marriage.  It is the Friend who is like your sister in every way.  She will come over to your house at 5am to watch your kids so you and your husband can catch a flight to Aruba.  You can drop your kids off to her house in an emergency or even if you need to take a nap.  She is the friend that doesn't go to the party without you because she has your back and you have hers. She will listen to your complaints about boyfriends who never love, husbands who never lead, or exes that never learn.  She is the one who in the future, when learning about your death, will go straight to your house and make sure it is clean before notifying any of your other friends.  She is the one who does not judge you when you ask for the seventy fifth time if it was okay that you told the neighbor that you spank your children.  To have a sister friend is wonderful.  But when she is a family member and you get to share childhood memories, holiday traditions, and vacation mishaps, you are doubly blessed.  This friend prays for you, prays with you, and honors you. She is your sister because she loves you.


The Savior

This friend outshines them all, for without this one, all the others will fade away.  Other friends will let you down. This is the friend who desires to be with you.  Desires to share wisdom with you. Desires to encourage you. Desires to challenge you. Desires to listen to you. This is the friend who values you so much that every minute is one to be spent with you.  This friend loves you so completely, He would rather die than to live without you.  This friend is Jesus.  Before time began He thought you up, designed you, and then created you to love Him, to glorify Him, to be His forever.  He thinks you are beautiful.  Jesus loves you because He is love.

"A friend loves at all times." ~ Proverbs 17:17