Monday, August 5, 2013
The thing about women is that no matter how very happy we can be for somebody, this little thing called jealousy can pop-up. And it can happen at big things like friends who go on vacation to hotels that cost $1000 a night when your special family time is camping in a pop up. And it can happen when a virtual friend gets a book deal that you have been dreaming of and writing for since you turned eight and wrote a story called The Mystery at Legend Lake. And it can even happen when you are alone just reading a magazine and you see someone who you want to be.
This might look like I am just reading a magazine relaxing on the beach, but if you could see behind the scenes, you would see someone who longs for a time when she felt beautiful. Not beautiful on the inside, but on the outside.You would see me wanting to be this woman. Now, I know good Christians are perfectly content with who God created them to be because God has a purpose for everyone, so I would not ever want to actually be this beautiful woman with the piercing blue eyes and high beautiful cheekbones and the 4.5 million dollar home, and the one child who never misbehaves in public, and has access to all the Godiva chocolate she wants... No, because that would be not being content. I would never feel that (please hear sarcasm).
But since we are behind the scenes, that is what you would see....Me wanting earthly beauty.
Me not wanting Heavenly beauty and the promise of wisdom because I fear the Lord, you would see me wanting this outward beauty so I could feel good about myself. So even though my husband says he thinks my body is amazingly beautiful, I would not feel the need to cover the places that I question.
Because this thing called envy hits when we compare to others, but it drives an even more burning clench on my soul when I compare to myself. What I looked like long ago, what my life was like, what I could have if I had only not made the choices I have made.
I know it is wrong. But sometimes, just sometimes, I want the confidence of not questioning my face, my body, my hair. The confidence that my thirteen year old daughter feels playing volleyball in her bathing suit. And my prayer for her should be the same as for myself:
God, may I take care of my body, but may I be okay with it not being 100%, for beauty is fleeting and truly I know a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. And at the end of the day, that is the praise that I truly seek, because I am reminded that only that praise will fill my heart and if I listen very quiet. I can hear my Creator whisper, You are that beautiful to me. I created you and I gave you each freckle, and grey hair, and body that gets sometimes gets tired.
I can put the magazine down now, for I see his face instead.
And when I give me him my desire to be pretty, He promises to make me beautiful.
Beautiful in Him.
Sometimes I think I am all alone in my feelings...maybe you have it all together?
But if not, May you feel His beauty soak deep the open parts of your souls today.
Linking up with other beautiful writers going Behind the Scenes...to show His marvelous in our mess. Please join us.
Posted by Angie at 9:09 PM