Monday, August 5, 2013




The thing about women is that no matter how very happy we can be for somebody, this little thing called jealousy can pop-up.  And it can happen at big things like friends who go on vacation to hotels that cost $1000 a night when your special family time is camping in a pop up. And it can happen when a virtual friend gets a book deal that you have been dreaming of and writing for since you turned eight and wrote a story called The Mystery at Legend Lake.  And it can even happen when you are alone just reading a magazine and you see someone who you want to be.

This might look like I am just reading a magazine relaxing on the beach, but if you could see behind the scenes, you would see someone who longs for a time when she felt beautiful. Not beautiful on the inside, but on the outside.You would see me wanting to be this woman.  Now, I know good Christians are perfectly content with who God created them to be because God has a purpose for everyone, so I would not ever want to actually be this beautiful woman with the piercing blue eyes and high beautiful cheekbones and the 4.5 million dollar home, and the one child who never misbehaves in public, and has access to all the Godiva chocolate she wants...  No, because that would be not being content.  I would never feel that (please hear sarcasm).

 But since we are behind the scenes, that is what you would see....Me wanting earthly beauty.


Me not wanting Heavenly beauty and the promise of wisdom because I fear the Lord, you would see me wanting this outward beauty so I could feel good about myself.  So even though my husband says he thinks my body is amazingly beautiful, I would not feel the need to cover the places that I question.

Because this thing called envy hits when we compare to others, but it drives an even more burning clench on my soul when I compare to myself.  What I looked like long ago, what my life was like, what I could have if I had only not made the choices I have made.

I know it is wrong.  But sometimes, just sometimes, I want the confidence of not questioning my face, my body, my hair. The confidence that my thirteen year old daughter feels playing volleyball in her bathing suit. And my prayer for her should be the same as for myself:

God, may I take care of my body, but may I be okay with it not being 100%, for beauty is fleeting and truly I know a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised. And at the end of the day, that is the praise that I truly seek, because I am reminded that only that praise will fill my heart and if I listen very quiet.  I can hear my Creator whisper, You are that beautiful to me. I created you and I gave you each freckle, and grey hair, and body that gets sometimes gets tired.

I can put the magazine down now, for I see his face instead.

And when I give me him my desire to be pretty, He promises to make me beautiful. 

Beautiful in Him.

Sometimes I think I am all alone in my feelings...maybe you have it all together?  

But if not, May you feel His beauty soak deep the open parts of your souls today.


Linking up with other beautiful writers going Behind the Scenes...to show His marvelous in our mess. Please join us.  

18 comments:

Mel said...

"I can put the magazine down now, for I see his face instead." Oh, this is powerful. I can relate, friend...it's so easy to focus on the imperfections. Thank you for the reminder that He sees the beauty of His creation. LOVE this post! Happy Tuesday, my beautiful friend...I hope it's wonderful. :)

Angie said...

Thanks Mel,

I am so thankful he sees the beauty in His creation and I just keep praying I remember that!

Happy Tuesday!

Jenny Irvine said...

So much truth to this ...I love it. Your honesty lightens my soul. Jealousy,comparisons, and a desire to have what may not be intended for us. Such hard truth and so hard to accept. Im grateful that God sees our true beauty. Blessings friend,~Jenny @jnnyrvn

Lindsay@littlehousebigworld said...

Love your honesty. I recently stopped reading certain magazines because I noticed a trend in when I read them and how I felt about my body. Thanks for your heart in sharing.

Kate Hall said...

Beautiful, Angie.

Mia De Vries said...

Dear Angie
Not that it really matters, but you ARE beautiful. What I find even more beautiful than your outside appearance, is your honest and humble heart. You remind so much of the woman at the well who felt so comfortable in Jesus' presence, that she easily acknowledged her sin. I have my own battles with this green eye monster and have been talking a lot to our Pappa about this.
Hugs XX
Mia

Angie said...

Jenny,

I am so glad God sees our true beauty and I need that daily time to remind myself of that! Thanks for your kind words!

Angie said...

Lindsay,

I hear you. I stopped reading certain books because of the expectations on the romantic man. And I rarely pick up those thick style magazines with all the catwalk gals. I mean, where would I wear that stuff?! :)

Angie said...

Kate,

Thank you. SO looking forward to getting together soon to chat!

I hope you are feeling better! :)

Tonya Salomons said...

Angie, Thank you so much friend for including a link to my words... and I am beyond blessed that they spoke to you. I am so glad that beautiful you is becoming part of my life... Blessings to you today friend.

onerebelheart said...

If we could only see ourselves as He does, or even as WE see our children, we wouldn't be so harsh on ourselves. Thanks for being honest here, from this woman who isn't afraid to admit she doesn't have even a few things together, much less ALL of them!

Eva @ Snappee Turtle said...

Such an honest post! I'm pretty sure even those magazine models with their airbrushed perfection have the same insecurities because satan wants us all to feel that way about God's creation. I think all of us women go through feelings like this, and it's good to be honest with these thoughts and know we're not alone...even though the "good" Christian would "never" be discontent. I long for the day we will all see ourselves the way our Father does, and no longer have those feelings of discontentment about ourselves...but this side of Heaven, its reality that we will have down days BUT also encouraging days. Praying we have more encouraging days than down days, and we can all encourage each other of the beautiful creation God has made each of us!! Blessings to you, beautiful sister!

Jennifer Peterson said...

aww yes I feel like you and sometimes wish I was her, but God is growing me and stretching me. Thank you for these beautiful words

Angie said...

Tonya,

Your words were the perfect link for this article. And I love being blessed by your words and becoming a part of your life.

Enjoy this gift of today!

Angie said...

Eva,

Oh, to see myself as Christ does. He tries to give me sweet glimpses. Yesterday, when I come down from upstairs wearing a dress, my little one said, "You look pretty Mama." I just need to remember that is how God feels about me and all of my insides! ;)

Thanks for your words of encouragement!

Angie said...

Jennifer,
As a runner, you can understand the need (Although I think you like running, don't you?! ;) ) to take care of what God has given you without getting obsessed over the taking care process.

I need to be thankful, as well, for the growing and stretching for sure!

Karrilee Aggett said...

"And when I give me him my desire to be pretty, He promises to make me beautiful." ...oh AND HOW!!!

I love this! Visiting from Behind the Scenes today!

Great post!
~K~

Deb Weaver said...

Beautiful! Seeing our reflection in His face makes such a difference!

Deb Weaver
thewordweaver.com

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